FOMO in dogs? Why does this happen?

🧠 Where “FOMO + Bully” Behaviour Comes From

Have you experienced owning a “fun police” dog? You know, if you’re enjoying time with another dog, the sirens start and the fun police rolls up?

So why does this happen?

1. Emotional Insecurity Dressed as Confidence

Dogs who act like they have to control the fun — barking at other dogs playing, inserting themselves into interactions, hounding others during rest — often aren’t confident at all. They’re anxiously attached to the social energy around them.

“If I’m not part of it, I don’t know where I stand.”

“If I don’t control it, it might get too much and I’ll feel overwhelmed.”

What looks like bossy or pushy behaviour is often a dog trying to regulate their own nervous system by managing others.

2. Arousal Spillover + Poor Frustration Tolerance

FOMO-type behaviours (e.g. barking when another dog gets a chew, interrupting rest, demanding attention) often happen when a dog:

• Can’t tolerate being excluded

• Struggles with delayed gratification

• Has a low window of tolerance for rising arousal

This is especially true for dogs raised in high-stimulus environments or those who never learned how to cope with missing out safely.

Instead of self-regulating:

❌ they displace their frustration by policing others or demanding inclusion.

3. Hyper-vigilance in Social Spaces

Some dogs carry a constant social scanner — watching everything around them to stay safe or in control.

• “Who’s playing?”

• “Where is the toy?”

• “Why is she getting attention and I’m not?”

This scanning brain is often a stress response, not genuine curiosity. It may come from:

• A chaotic early environment

• Inconsistent access to resources

• Being frequently overstimulated or overwhelmed

• Being punished for not “being good” in group settings

They learn: if I don’t manage this, no one else will.

4. Social Learning & Reinforcement History

Some dogs learn:

• Being loud or physical = I get access

• Interrupting = I get attention

• “Correcting” others = I gain predictability

Especially if humans laugh, redirect attention, or join in when the dog is being a “fun police.” They may not mean to reinforce it — but to a dog craving control, this becomes a successful strategy.

“If I throw my weight around, I get what I want or stop feeling left out.”

Over time, that becomes a pattern.

5. Unmet Needs + Lack of Solo Resilience

If a dog:

• Never gets 1:1 connection

• Has limited opportunities for solo decompression

• Has no safe space to down-regulate

  
  

  …they may attach their regulation to managing others.

This is where FOMO overlaps with reactivity and boundary issues. They’re not trying to be rude — they’re trying to cope.

✨ So What Do We Do?

To help these dogs, we need to meet the need underneath the behaviour:

✅ Teach Safe Separation From Social Energy

• Short structured alone-time with chews, scent, freework

• Teach that “resting while others have fun” is safe and rewarding

✅ Give Predictable 1:1 Time

• Avoid scarcity vibes — create dependable connection routines

• Solo walks, cuddles, play — especially if they live with other dogs

✅ Create Boundaries With Empathy

• Use gates, pens, distance — not punishment

• “You’re not in trouble. You’re just not needed for this moment.”

• Pair separation with enrichment to prevent frustration

✅ Build Frustration Tolerance

• Gradual exposure to small delays and boundaries

• Start tiny: “Wait while I move this toy,” → reward calmness

• Celebrate regulation, not just participation

In short - “Bully” behaviours driven by FOMO are often anxiety in disguise.

These dogs aren’t bossy — they’re unsure.

They control the room because their nervous system can’t handle not being in it.

Give them structure, predictability, and a chance to rest outside the social swirl — and you’ll see a softer, more self-assured dog underneath.